Le Mis

So I love musicals, I am a theatre girl after all and I do love to sing. Musicals just come as a natural interest to me. One of my favorites by far is Le Miserables which is based off a book that I've read four times in two languages and has the most beautifl soundtrack.

Memoir of a Reader

All my life I have had an infatuation with words. My mother would read to me every day from the time before I was even old enough to understand her words to when my family fell on hard times and she had to find work. It was she who taught me the meaning of a story, and I will always thank her for introducing me to literature. Though I know that if she had not brought me up in the bosom of the written word I would have found my way to it eventually.

There is a stillness in my soul that can only be found when I read, a peace that can only be found when I sit back and let the words wash over me. Nothing matters anymore; real life is a figment of someone else’s imagination. I become the character, their life is all that is real to me, their thoughts are my thoughts, their memories my memories, their emotions mine.  I am a princess, a wizard, a warrior, a murderer, a victim, a hero, a villain. I am Dorian Gray, Elizabeth Bathory, Harry Potter, Frodo, Bella Swan, they are my past lives. I am unfamiliar with my own voice; all I can hear is that of the character. I have no name because I have so many. I live through the words, and they through me.  I am only ever truly myself when I am someone else.  

The moments when I stop everything and settle down with a book are the greatest moments in my life. Books expect nothing from the reader; they merely wish to entrance you with their story. When I read time stands still and a serenity falls over me. This is the only time I truly live. Real life has nothing to offer me; I live through the printed word.

The authors of the past are my gods, I am more than happy to live under their rule. Death at the hands of Poe or Tolkien is the greatest of honors. As a young woman I decided I wanted to become a writer to paint my own lives to live. Secretly I know I would much rather live in someone else’s world rather than create my own, yet the idea of being a god over my own life entrances me. In real life there is far too much that I cannot foresee or control, in the written word there are always clues to pick up on, foreshadowing that hints at the ending. Life throws you for a loop like any great author, but without the finesse and grace of a well-written story. Life punches you in the gut, an unexpected turn in a story slaps you in the face; one hurts your psyche, the other bruises you internally.

The Scariest Time of the Year

Halloween is my favorite holiday. For one I love to dress up and any excuse to dress up is awesome. Secondly I love candy. Third I love horror movies. Fourth I love pranks. Fifth I love Halloween parties. Sixth I love to be scared.

Every year during October the horror movies start playing every single day. Nothing is better than getting home to find Freddy Krueger on TV. Or seeing Mike Meyers kill people before you get in the shower. I like Jason Vorhees because he wields a machete and so do I. I'm not really all that into the Saw movies or Final Destination, I prefer slashers. I do love paranormal & supernatural stuff like the Exorcist and the Paranormal Activity movies too.

I love rock music which is the perfect soundtrack to Halloween. Marilyn Manson singing This is Halloween is just too awesome!

Unfortunately I have been told I am too old for trick-or-treating given that I am a college freshman. But I want free candy! Now what am I supposed to do tonight?! I have school in the morning! So do most of my friends. So no party tonight as far as I have heard. WHAT TO DO? We were going to play Slender in real life, but my friend Kitti is not home. There goes that plan.

Well have a happy Halloween and a blessed Samhain (as my friend says ^^)

Whateves

I find constant changes keeps people on their toes and makes life a little more interesting, hence why the title of this blog changes randomly. I like to keep you, my imaginary audience, on your toes.

So I am a college kid with a full class schedule, a boyfriend, friends, and a family and yet I decided to try and maintain about 5 separate blogs. Why yes I AM a masochist. This blog however is dedicated to all the things I say, do, find, or think of that don't really fit in the parameters of my other blogs, a "brain dump" if you will. I  hope that you will enjoy the sheer randomosity of this blog and frequent it at your convenience, nothing would delight me more :)

More information on myself:

• I am a rabid fangirl. I fangirl over: Doctor Who, Once Upon A Time, Dexter, Castle, The Mentalist, David Tennant, Toby Turner (Tobuscus!), Blue Exorcist, Sailor Moon, Disney princesses, Merlin, Minecraft, and various other nerdy things.
• I love to read, write, act, sing, do color guard and flail about pretending to dance.
• I refer to myself in the third person frequently.
• I like to try new things.
• I can be quite a derp.
• I love memes.
• I'm afraid of needles and spiders.
• I hate to be left alone. Scary things happen when you're alone.
• I watch WAY too much Youtube.
• I love to read.

There is much more to tell but I've got too much to do and too little time, so I leave you with a couple neat links and but you all adieu.

A Whovian vlog by one of my friends: http://www.youtube.com/user/NerdyCharityLynn

My favorite artists: http://www.qorter.deviantart.com/  & http://aironshiroi.deviantart.com/

An Essay on Perception.

Every time I look in the mirror my mind argues with what it sees. Not because I don’t like what I see or I think myself fat or anything. Between each time I see my reflection my mind constructs a mental image of my appearance, and by the time I see my reflection again I began to believe my mental picture of myself and when I see my face in the mirror I don’t really recognize it. My perception of myself doesn’t agree with my actual physical features and so what I see in my mind’s eye differs from what the onlooker sees. Each human being has a mental picture, their view of the world; shaped by imagination, beliefs, dogma, experience, dreams, instincts, whatever. People see the world in their own special ways, but is this inner world so very different from the real one?

In the mind’s eye we take the information our senses give us and create a mental map of our surroundings, our memories, our ideas; we base these mental maps and pictures on what we do remember and fill in the information we don’t remember by imagining things that could possibly belong. For example if you asked any student at West Georgia Tech Carroll Campus what is the third machine on the left side walking into the student center they would probably wrack their brains to try to remember whether a snack machine or a drink machine sits there, and get frustrated when they can’t remember. So they probably would answer that there’s a snack machine, not because they remember, but because they know there are snack machines in the Student Center and that side of the Student center mainly focuses on the food whereas the other focuses on drink. The mind captures information relevant to a place, or a person, or a thing and stores it away for later use, it doesn’t remember everything, and it can infer the information based on what would make sense in the situation or place.

Colors always seem so much more vivid in memory. The mind views color as a very important aspect of whatever it saw and so remembers color and exaggerates it. The sky always seems bluer, the grass greener, the sunlight brighter in retrospect when really it was just another day, the same sky, the same grass, the same sunshine that your best friend felt and saw that day that you got a raise and she got a cold, but she remembers it quite differently. So who was right? In truth the sun wasn’t very bright that day because it was overcast, the grass had lost the green due to a month’s long drought and the sky was obscured by clouds. However the mind gave brilliancy to that memory due to the strong positive connotation associated with it.

One psychological theory about human behavior discusses the “imaginary audience,” which is the mental belief that at all times a person is scrutinized by others. Like believing that you’re fat and everyone around you is thinking about how fat you look and why did you even decide to wear that shirt because it doesn’t help you look any skinnier. No one is looking and judging you but your mind tells you that everyone must be, because you don’t feel sure of yourself and so you are self-conscious. That was your perception but really everyone else was so caught up with themselves and their own issues to even barely register that you were wearing a shirt far less how it looked on you.

In the real world noting happens in slow-motion. Time cannot be distorted. So remembering something as happening in slow-motion is a concept of perception. Life isn’t the Matrix; bullets cannot slow down when it suits them. So when you remember that every single second of the car accident in striking detail and swear that it happened in slow-mo that is just another example of your brain seeing things in way that it can better understand.

Real life rarely ever makes sense. The brain’s primary function is to try and make as much sense out of sensory information as it can and translate it to the consciousness in a way that the mind can understand. Taking the cold hard truth and presenting it in an easier to comprehend way means a skew in perception, a leap between truth and fantasy, and an entirely human view. In the words of a great man, Gustave Flaubert  “there is no truth only perception.”

Identities: a poem

Searching for who I am

   trying to find a face that fits

       a voice

          a smile

             a style

what do I look like?

         sound like

           be like

trying on so many selves

    like so many pairs of shoes

        which one fits?

           what is my identity?

                which self am I?

I can never tell.

     so I keep them all close by

         to exchange when the time is right.

because in all those selves

    at the core of so many beings

I can't let go, of anything.

Whoever I am

     I am not alone.

Conflict of Interest

So I'm in college at a technical school trying to get a few credits under my belt before transferring to university next year. I'm a freshman, a tech spec, as my "major" is called here, but I'm going to be an English and History double major next year. I'm a nerd (what're you gonna do?) I have five classes four days a week, an hour and fifteen minutes each class. I pay for these classes, and yet today when my teacher lets us out after only twenty minutes I'm ecstatic. Then I realized how ridiculous it is to pay for a class and then be happy when it's cut short, that means I'm losing money. Who in their right mind is HAPPY about losing money?! Especially with gas prices verging on four dollars a gallon? So now I'm rather angry she let us out so early, but on the other hand, I really liked not having to sit through the entire class.

Blogged Down...

Hello there people, or person, or whatever. I don't really expect for anything to come of this so I'll give it a half-hearted attempt... Why is half-hearted supposedly not a word, spellcheck? ANYWAYS my best friend qorter and I do random vlogs and she started an actual blog so I did too. Not that I'm really saying anything or that I'm interesting enough t even have a blog, but whatever. Besides there are so many blogs out there what is the chance that anyone will actually find this in the vast expanse of internet obscurity. So I guess I'll run with it and try and make crap up that is actually interesting to read... if only for my own amusement. Also I can't spell so my web address is misspelled... two l's in lot, my god. If that gives you any idea of how ridiculous this is gonna be.

So I'm gonna post this thing and head off to my classes and if you read it then good on you. More to follow.

Anna